


Let No One Come Between

by sparrowshellcat



Series: Avengers-Having-Babies [2]
Category: Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Captain America (2011), Fantastic Four (Movieverse), Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011), X-Men (Movies)
Genre: Crossover, Crossover Pairings, First Time, Genderfuck, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Shapeshifting, Wedding Night, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-20
Updated: 2012-03-20
Packaged: 2017-11-02 07:03:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/366247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparrowshellcat/pseuds/sparrowshellcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Getting married is a complicated enough thing - but when you're an Avenger that has to keep running off saving the world, and you're getting married to a god, things can get even more complicated. Add a baby and a quest to defeat a dragon, and it just gets out of hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let No One Come Between

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Epiphanyx7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epiphanyx7/gifts).



> The whole Marvel universe obviously does not belong to me. It's used without permission, but with great respect! 
> 
> This was supposed to be a short aside from the main series, just for Steve and Loki's wedding night. It chose to be far more of a story than that. I'm... sorry? Also warning now... Red Skull is a Nazi. He talks like one.
> 
> \---
> 
> For more fic and art, you can follow me on Tumblr! [sparrowshellcat](http://sparrowshellcat.tumblr.com)

Loki didn't want to get married until he lost the baby weight.

Though Steve was a little disappointed that they weren't going to get married right away – he was sort of excited to get this life of theirs underway, gosh darn it – he was a patient man, and he smiled and nodded and said that he would wait years for Loki, if that's what it took. Loki, who was quite looking forward to getting a ring on Steve's finger and getting Captain America out of his clothes, was quick to assure him that it would _not_ be years.

They decided on a spring wedding. 

Maggie would be about six months old, then and Loki was quick to assure Steve that he'd be ready to be married, by then, and besides, he rather liked the idea of getting married under the cherry trees Tony had in the backyard, like warm snow sprinkling on the grass around them. 

Very quickly after the date was set, Steve placed a quiet call to Ororo, asking if there was any way she could take care of the weather those days, since Loki had his heart so very set on an outdoor wedding? After getting the weather-witch's assurances that yes, she could make sure that it was a nice day, so long as Thor could promise not to conjure up a storm or something, Steve was quite happy to agree to the idea of a wedding in the garden, and tried to help.

He really  _did_ try to help.

  
  


\---

  
  


Steve sort of looked like someone had just tried to explain string theory to him. 

Sitting at the kitchen table in the Stark mansion kitchen, the blond stared wide eyed at the large white sheets of paper that were tacked to the wall, looking a little confused. Pepper was pointing to one of the diagrams, frowning, and Loki was shaking his head, arguing over some other point. Steve didn't really understand the diagram, or what exactly it was supposed to represent, but Loki had been rather adamant that he was supposed to have a  _say_ in this. He didn't really know why, he'd have been thrilled to just hand things over to Loki and let him handle everything – Steve didn't really care all that much about how it happened, he just sort of wanted to  _be_ married, already – but no, apparently he was supposed to have a say in this. 

After all, neither of them were technically either bride or groom, so there was no traditional gender roles to be held to here, even though he supposed it would be easier if there were. 

“Steve.” Pepper said, abruptly, hands on her hips as she turned to look at him, and his eyes widened. Had she realized how very little attention he was paying? Instead, looking slightly put out, she demanded, “Tell Loki that we can't put the Richards and Doctor Doom at the same table.”

“That... _does_ make a lot of sense.” Steve admitted.

“But they're old friends!” Loki argued, his arms crossed over his chest. Steve sort of thought he looked adorable at the moment, hair pulled back into a low ponytail, dressed in jeans and a green t-shirt, feet bare as ever. He didn't really think Loki _wore_ shoes most of the time, though he imagined that the armour Loki used to wear all the time would look sort of silly without shoes. “Reed and Viktor went to school together, and they were very close, once. I always sort of speculate that the only reason they fell out is because of a disastrous relationship gone wrong.... have you _seen_ the way they snipe at each other when they are fighting? There is genuine history there. I think they ought to mend bridges. You agree yes, Steve?”

He swallowed, and scratched at the back of his neck. “Well, I mean... mending bridges  _is_ good, and I do encourage that...”

“But they'll _fight_ at your wedding!” Pepper argued.

Steve hesitated. “...that's also true...”

“Steve... darling... dollface...” Loki sort of seemed like he was searching for a nickname to give his fiance, and finally, he seemed to settle on dollface. Sliding into his lap, he looped his arms around Steve's neck, and grinned, mischievously. “Wouldn't you like to look back on your marriage and imagine that our joyous event _also_ managed to save the ashes of a once strong relationship?”

“Well... yes, that does sound nice...” he fumbled, then furrowed his brows for a moment, and admitted, “...I'm not sure why we're asking Doctor Doom to our wedding, anyway?”

Loki huffed, leaning back slightly. “So we are only allowed to invite  _your_ friends?”

“No!” He said, quickly, wide eyed. Steve glanced at Pepper, hoping for support, but she just held up her hands, as though saying _'Don't get me involved in this_ ', and shook her head. “No, no, of course you can invite your friends too, I’m just... I’m _concerned_... that they might... well, let's face it, most of your friends are villains. And most of my friends – and your friends, too, now – are heroes. So I’m just... sort of worried about... you know... fights.”

Narrowing his vibrantly green eyes, Loki said, finally, “You knew I was a villain when you asked me to marry me.”

“I do!” He said, quickly, embarrassed, and noticed, just out of the corner of his eye, that Pepper was creeping away, slowly. “And I don't care about labels!”

Loki arched a brow. “And yet you worry about 'villain' and 'hero'.”

“I don't worry about them,” Steve assured him, quickly, and reached up to cup the other's jaw, meeting Loki's bright eyes, seriously. “I don't. All I care about is you, and me, and Maggie. I don't need all of this... these seating charts and tasting menus and choosing flowers, I don't need any of that. I just need you, and me... and our family.”

The god glowered at him for a long moment, then his face softened slightly, and he smiled. “It's a good thing you're so cute, dollface.”

“Dollface?” He laughed softly, amused.

“Yes, you have the face of a doll.” Loki patted his cheek, then pointed out, cheerfully, “But as much as you don't think you need this wedding _fuss_ , I do. I have been married before, and they were never nearly as fun or as entertaining as this is going to be. For one thing, I am marrying the most handsome man I have ever had the pleasure of calling my husband, and secondly, weddings on Midgard are so delightfully over the top. Not just a feast and some bride prices.” 

Steve hesitated, biting his lip. Loki seemed to talk about his previous marriages and children like it was a blithe and simply forgotten thing, and that  _worried_ him. After all, he might not be Loki's first husband, but Loki was certainly  _his_ first, in many different ways. How was he possibly going to live up to all those who had come before him?

So he focused on the other thing that Loki had managed to bring up. “Speaking of bride prices... is that something we need to be worrying about?”

Loki arched a brow. “Do I  _look_ like your bride?”

“No,” he said, laughing softly, and shook his head. “Not at all.”

Smirking, Loki curled a little closer to him on Steve's lap, hair seeming to curl out longer around his shoulders, which narrowed and smoothed as Loki's features feminized and softened, until it wasn't his future husband in his lap, but rather, his future wife. Steve had decided, a long while ago, that he didn't really  _understand_ Loki's gender-shifting, but he also didn't mind. “Do I look like your bride  _now_ , Captain America?”

“You look like my Loki,” he said, softly, and leaned up to kiss her softly. 

Loki sort of melted against Steve's chest for a moment, kissing back eagerly, shifting closer. Long, delicate fingers tangled in the hero's blond hair, and Steve groaned against Loki's lips, flushed. 

“Oh _god_ , guys, this is the kitchen, we _all_ use the kitchen.” 

Steve leaned back, panting slightly, and glanced at the fridge, where Clint was leaning on the appliance with crossed arms. “Hey Clint.”

The marksman rolled his eyes, and shook his head. “Seriously, we all use this room. I don't think we need to have you guys making out in here. Really.”

Loki was leaning on Steve's chest, and as Steve brushed his fingers lightly up and down his fiance's spine, he realized that Loki had shifted back into his typical male form somewhere between the time he'd kissed him and the time that Clint had interrupted, rudely. Smirking, Loki pointed out, “If we were Natasha and Pepper, making out in the kitchen, you wouldn't have complained.”

“Sure I would have, the kitchen is an _awful_ place to watch lesbians.” Clint shook his head, and dug in the fridge for a moment, tugging out a large cheesecake that had been left over from some party the other day. “And those two, if they ever _deigned_ to touch each other, would have very logical, angry sex. Not very much fun to watch.”

“I can assure you,” Loki countered, eyes half lidded as he leaned on Steve, comfortably, “That Steve and I will be well worth the watching.”

Steve squeaked, flustered.

Smirking, his fiance patted his cheek, then reluctantly slid out of his lap, padding barefoot over to examine the seating chart again. “All right, I  _suppose_ that we could put Doom at the table with Erik and Charles. They would have amusing conversations.”

He sighed, considering the other man. “...was that the plan the whole time?”

Loki smirked. “Perhaps.”

“You two are sickening, you know that?” Clint rolled his eyes, and shoved the cake back into the fridge a moment later, holding a plate full of cheesecake and eating. “So who's gonna be your best man, Stevie?”

“Um.” Steve hesitated, not really sure. After all, had he been getting married back in the forties, when he had sort of expected that he would be, there would have been no hesitation. Of course his best man would have been Bucky. Instead, though, he was here, in the future, lost amongst the modern world, and things were most certainly _different_. But he did have friends here, so after a few moments of thought, he finally settled on his idea. “Tony.”

Loki scoffed slightly, shaking his head. 

Steve flushed. “...he's my closest friend here, I sort of think it's supposed to be your closest friend, isn't it?”

“You're sickening,” Clint just shook his head, and pushed off the counter, digging into his cheesecake again. “By the way, I didn't want to be asked, or anything. Just for the record.”

Clearing his throat, Loki arched a brow, looking pointedly at Steve.

Swallowing, Steve said, sitting up straighter, “So I was thinking, Clint... would you like to be one of my... groomsmen?”

The marksman blinked at him.

Loki snickered.

“...that _is_ the right word, isn't it?” Steve asked, warily. 

“That is the right word,” Loki laughed.

Clint frowned at him for a long minute, then shrugged, and popped another bite of cheesecake in his mouth. “Eh, why not, I ain't doing anything else that weekend, anyway.”

“Thank you, Clint.” He smiled, flushed. “Awful nice of you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Are you kidding? The chance to participate in the marriage that is going to piss  _everyone_ in America off? I wouldn't miss it for the world.” Clint hesitated for a moment, then patted the other's shoulder as he passed, and added, “Besides, you're my friend, asshole. Of course I want to be involved.”

Steve watched him leave, blinking slightly.

“Charming friends you have, dollface,” Loki drawled, then tapped the seating chart. “Now. Where _exactly_ do we sit Wade Wilson? He doesn't shut up, I don't want him sitting anywhere near the head table.”

  
  


\---

  
  


“Friend Steve!” 

Steve looked up from his sketchbook, and flicked it shut, quickly, before Thor could see his doodles. He hadn't drawn in seventy some years, he sort of felt like his hands were out of practice, so he needed to work on his art before he showed it to anyone. “Hey, Thor.”

The larger man clapped his hand against his shoulder, grinning as he did. It was a hard slap, really, and he was relieved he was sitting so his knees didn't buckle. “I must speak with you, my friend Tony.”

“Well, we're talking,” he nodded, smiling up at him.

“Yes, so we are.” Thor agreed, and shifting around to sit, heavily, on the edge of the coffee table in front of the couch that Steve was sitting on. The table groaned, alarmingly, but still held. Resting his elbows on his thighs, Thor leaned forward, frowning seriously as he considered him. “But we need to discuss your impending nuptials.”

“...that makes it sound ominous, Thor.” Steve pointed out.

Thor smirked, grimly. “We need to talk about my brother, Steve Rogersson.” 

Swallowing, he nodded. He'd sort of been waiting for this moment to arrive, for Thor to finally realize that Steve was, in fact, planning on marrying his brother, and that he was, to an extent, going to take his brother away from him. After all, technically, Thor had given his blessing, even before Maggie was born, but it was starting to get rapidly closer, now. It was starting to be more  _reality_ than it had been before. “Yes, I suppose we do.”

Frowning slightly, Thor said, “You are marrying my brother, Steve.”

“Yes, that is the plan.”

“You know, of course, that my brother is a prince of Asgard.” Thor said, quite seriously. “That he is one day possibly the heir to the throne of Asgard. You are marrying a man of some power, Steve.”

“Yes, I... yes.” He nodded, taking a deep breath.

“And _you_ , you are the representative of the glorious nation in which we live, you are an ambassador to the whole of Midgard from our fine home! So one might say that you are two fine representatives of your nations, and that through your marriage, you are uniting our two worlds, yes?”

“I suppose that's one way to look at it,” Steve agreed, clearing his throat. 

Thor nodded, and patted his shoulder, firmly again, making Steve sort of dip under the pressure. “Which means that you must find yourself a way to make yourself worthy of being his husband, friend Steve. You must do something impressive. A  _quest_ ! Oh  _yes_ , a quest worthy of making yourself Loki's husband!”

Steve swallowed, thickly. “...oh?”

Laughing, he leaned back and clapped his hands, eagerly. “There is a dragon, in Niflheim, that has been bothering us for many years. She likes stealing anything she can manage to get her hands on, especially if it's shiny. So here is the plan. You quest to Niflheim, you find and vanquish the dragon, and bring any of the spoils you find there to Odin All-Father in Asgard, to pay the bride price for Loki.”

“I don't think he likes it being called bride price.” Steve admitted, clearing his throat.

“Husband price, then,” Thor laughed, cheerfully. 

“Yeah.” He took a deep breath. “That's sort of what is supposed to be done, isn't it, traditionally?”

“Rather much.” He nodded.

Steve took a deep breath, again. “So how do I get to Niflheim?”

  
  


\---

  
  


“ _Holy shit,_ man, what did you do to yourself?!”

Steve took a deep breath, and pushed the mask of his uniform back off his head, blond hair sort of sticking in every direction. He leaned on the doorframe for a long few moments, eyes closed, then pushed himself off of it, and headed into the mansion. “Thanks for opening the door, Tony.”

“You look like you're going to fall over!” Tony protested, and ducked himself under Steve's arm, forcing the man to lean on him. 

Steve didn't want to admit it, but he was remarkably grateful for Tony's support. He wasn't sure he would have actually made it into the house, otherwise. “Thanks, Tony.”

“What did you _do_?” Tony demanded, again.

Leaning on his friend, he dragged the bag he had stuffed with some of his findings in Niflheim, though of course most of it had been left at Odin All-Father's feet, in Asgard. He'd liked Asgard, or what little of it he'd managed to see, but at the time he'd been sort of distracted, what with favouring his right side and trying to ignore the smell of burnt uniform. As it turned out, dragon claws were strong, similar to adamantium, or perhaps vibranium, and had torn right through the armour and slashed his side open. He didn't think it was a deadly wound, or anything, but even with his fast healing, he still sort of felt like he was weak on his feet, so that meant he must have been hit pretty hard. 

It had been worth it, though.

Odin had sort of glowered at him as he looked down at him, his one eye narrowed. Frigga, where she sat beside him, had smiled softly at Steve as he had scattered the gold and trinkets he'd found in the dragon's cave across the floor. And when Steve had said that this was the marriage price, that he'd quested in Niflheim, all for the right to marry Loki, the atmosphere in the room had changed a little. Several of the nobles had hissed under their breath, whispering rumours to each other, and Frigga had leaned forward, eyes bright and eager. Odin had glowered at him for a long, serious moment, then finally had said, in a thunderous voice, “It is about time that one of Loki's suitors finally followed tradition. I will allow this union.”

“Thank you, sir,” Steve had bowed, then stood, and left the throne room of Asgard, wanting to get home to Loki and hopefully to a doctor.

As he had marched along the rainbow road, trying to get to Heimdall and the bifrost as soon as he could, Steve had been startled at movement beside him, and had blinked when he realized that Frigga, queen of Asgard, was walking beside him, smiling softly as her skirts swirled around her legs. “Hello, Steve Rogersson.”

Steve had swallowed, looking up at her. “Hello, milady.”

“Loki is my beloved son,” she had said, smiling as she looked ahead at Heimdall as they approached him. “I have seen him happy, and I have seen him in the depths of despair. Please. Be a good husband to my son, Steve Rogersson.”

He had flushed, and bowed, clumsily. “Of course.”

“Thank you,” Frigga had smiled, and curled her fingers against his cheek for a moment, then nodded, and had vanished. 

And then of course Steve had hurried home as quickly as he could, and now Tony was all but carrying him up the stairs towards Bruce's lab, and he hadn't even managed to get out of his uniform, properly, when Loki was rushing into the lab itself, carrying Maggie and looking sort of wild. “ _Steve_ ?”

“You shouldn't be bringing her here, Loki, I’m a mess,” Steve tried.

But Loki thrust his daughter into Tony's arms, ignoring Iron Man's alarmed sort of startled look, and threw himself forward to kiss Steve firmly. “You sweet  _idiot_ ! What were you  _thinking_ , taking Thor's  _quest_ ?! My brother is an idiot! You should not take his  _quests_ !”

He laughed, softly, and said, “But I got your father's permission to marry you?”

“That is small comfort, when you are bleeding out!” He snapped, brows furrowed, and ran his hand along Steve's wounded side. “You are wounded!”

“Sorry,” he cleared his throat, embarrassed.

“You have not cared for him!” Loki snapped at Bruce, clearly displeased by this. 

“He just _got_ here,” Bruce pointed out, grumbling slightly, but resumed his work at getting Steve carefully out of his tight suit. “Try and hold him still, if you can.” 

Loki settled on the edge of the bed, holding Steve's hand, tightly, an intense and sort of desperate expression on his face. “What did you do?”

Steve winced slightly, and tried to motion Tony to come closer. The man stepped closer, bouncing Maggie in his arms, letting her gum at his tie, and shifted to make sure that he was close enough that Steve could run his fingers over the little one's curly hair. Smiling at the little girl that was, as far as he was concerned, his own child, Steve said, softly, “I went to Niflheim and fought Nnelle the Dragon, and brought her treasure horde – and her head – to your father. And he gave me the right to marry you.”

The god straightened up, eyes widening. “You fought Nnelle?”

He nodded. “And killed her.”

“You fought _dragons_ , Rogers?” Tony laughed, amused, bouncing Maggie. “Shit, you are head over damn heels, huh? Fighting dragons.”

“If I wasn't head over heels, Tony, I wouldn't have asked you to be my best man.” He rolled his eyes, and sighed softly as he leaned on Loki's shoulder, quietly. “Seriously, I did it because it's... it's traditional, it's how it's supposed to be done. And I’m marrying a prince of Asgard... I probably should be doing it _right_ , you know?”

Loki kissed his cheek, lightly, a gentle sort of thing.

“...that's too adorable to exist. Bruce, tell them they're too adorable to exist.” Tony turned to look over at the scientist, who was busy trying to clean the wound on Steve's side. Maggie giggled, delighted at the turn, and reached up to paw at Tony's jaw, fingers grasping and tugging on the man's goatee. “ _Ow_ , Maggie. Come on, Bruce.”

“And yet they're here,” he shook his head, reaching for a clean cloth, cleaning the wound. 

“But seriously, dude, they're like... the super soldier and the mischief god. Aren't they supposed to be all grr and manly and... less adorable?” Tony sighed, heavily, bouncing Maggie slightly. She returned to chewing on his tie, happily. “It makes all my sensibilities all... flustered.”

Bruce snorted.

“Friend Steve!” The door slammed open again, and Thor stormed into the room like a bit of a bluster of action and motion and sound and noise. “I heard word that you were successful on your quest! Is this so?”

“Hey, Thor.” Steve smiled up at him, slightly flushed. “I think so.”

“This is excellent news!” Thor said, happily, clapping his hands on both his brother and his future brother-in-law's shoulders. Loki didn't even shift, but Steve hissed in pain, and buckled slightly. “I am pleased to hear this! Things ought to be done properly, after all.”

“Thanks, Thor.” He sighed, softly. 

“You fought Nnelle.” Loki said again, shifting a little closer to him. “What happened to the dragon's horde?”

“I gave them to Odin.” Steve said, brows furrowed slightly. “As the bride price and everything.”

“...even the _books_?”

“Oh, no. I didn't think Odin wanted those,” Steve admitted, and leaned over to pick up the bag he'd dragged into the mansion, wincing slightly when he did, and set the bag on Loki's lap. “There were three books there, I don't know what language they were written in, I can't read any of it, but I figured it sort of looked like the kind of thing you might like.”

Loki pushed the bag off of the books, and lifted one of the texts out, face absolutely lighting up. “The legendary spell books of Niflheim...”

“That's good, right?” Steve asked, warily. 

“ _Very_ good.” He grinned, and leaned over to kiss him firmly. “I consider this more than adequate dowry, my honour is matched, and I am satisfied. We can be married, now.”

“Wait, wait!” Thor yelped, eyes wide. “That's not a _dowry_! Those are some mouldy books!”

“They are _exactly_ what I wanted.” Loki said, already flicking through the book.

“But _books_ are not an adequate dowry!” Thor protested, displeased.

“Oh, well... I did, um...” Steve shifted the bag on Loki's lap, and dug in it, for a moment, before he tugged out a small handful of loose emeralds. “I got you these, too, Loki, since I know green is your favourite colour, so I thought you might like these.”

Loki considered them for a moment, then shrugged, and went back to his book. “Mmm, very nice, put them somewhere, I can make something out of them.”

“Oh, well,” Thor stepped closer, considering the emeralds, frowning. “...I'm sure you could have found him something more appropriate than just a few emeralds... at least these are suitably valuable, but there are stories that the dragon Nnelle has diamonds the size of a man's head, and...”

“I gave the diamonds to your father,” Steve shrugged, and tucked the emeralds into the bag with the books again. 

Thor looked displeased by that. 

“Thor,” Loki looked up from his new book, arching a single brow. “I'm _happy_. Please, allow me to be happy.”

His brother sighed, heavily, and huffed slightly. “Well then. I suppose I can allow that.”

  
  


\---

  
  


Pepper set a small stack of paper down on the table, and said, “I really think you ought to read over this.”

Steve looked up, blinking at her, bouncing Maggie slightly. The little girl was holding onto the bottle he was feeding her from, snuffling slightly as she drank, eagerly. He loved taking care of his daughter – it was sort of a nice break from all of the rush and hustle and violence of the everyday life of being an Avenger. “What is it?”

“It's a standard pre-nup agreement, I think we need to adjust it slightly, considering the circumstances.” Pepper pursed her lips slightly, tapping the papers. 

“Pre-nup?” He blinked.

“Pre-nuptial.” She sighed, slightly, and settled down at the table, finally, crossing her legs. He glanced at her for a moment, considering her heels and legs that seemed to go on for miles, and was actually sort of relieved when he realized that he didn't really find them all that interesting. _Well_ , Pepper was certainly a beautiful woman, and he could aesthetically appreciate that, but considering he was getting married, in a couple months now, to his dearly beloved Loki, he sort of thought it was a _good_ thing that Pepper's long, lovely legs didn't make him feel all tingly. “It's a legal sort of agreement that a lot of couples write these days, before they get married. Just in case things don't work out.”

Steve looked at her with horror. “It's going to work out!”

“Yes, well... I’m sure everyone thinks that,” she agreed, sighing softly, smiling at him. “But it's a fact that over 50% of marriages in this nation end in divorce, so it's always a good idea to get things down on paper, just in case.”

“...over 50%.” He repeated.

Pepper nodded.

“...that's _awful_ ,” Steve declared, firmly, displeased. “Our marriage will not be adding to those statistics. I figure marriages just need a little more of what they had when I was a kid – stick-to-it-ive-ness. Just being too stubborn to let everything fall apart.”

“I'm fairly sure that a lot of the reason that marriages stayed together is because of a culture of shame.” Pepper sighed, smiling softly at Steve, like she was finding him just so terribly adorable and naïve. 

“...but they stayed together.” He said, slowly setting the bottle on the table. 

“Steve...” Pepper leaned forward, touching his knee lightly. “Look, you and Loki aren't just Joe and John Smith, you're Captain America and he's the God of Lies. It's not that I don't have faith in your ability to choose a husband, and it's not that I don't have faith in how much you love him, but I have to be realistic, here. We have to account for every possibility, just in case.”

“You mean in case Loki and I break up,” he murmured, spreading a flannel blanket across his shoulder, and shifting Maggie up so that he could pat her back, to burp her.

“Yes,” she agreed, softly.

“We're not going to, Pepper.” He said, stubbornly. 

“I know that, Steve, this is just a just-in-case sort of thing, it's how we make sure that things will be taken care of, just in case, things like... like that if you divorce, you have no claim to the throne of Asgard, and Loki would have no claim to SHIELD technology, that sort of thing.”

Steve patted his daughter's back, and said, suddenly, “If you ask me, it sounds like a 'just in case' escape hatch that makes me think that by signing this thing, I would be admitting that I expected it to fail.”

“Steve, that's not what it is at _all_.” Pepper said, quickly.

“That's what it feels like.” He murmured, softly, patting Maggie's back. She gurgled softly, little fingers playing with his collar, making him feel at least a little better. 

“It's just standard procedure. If Tony was marrying someone, we'd have a pre-nup too. Well, actually, _his_ pre-nup would be even more dramatic. They wouldn't get any claim to Stark Industries, or the Iron Man suits, and... a million other things. It would be a nightmare, may the universe save us from Tony ever getting married.” Pepper shook her head, and said, gently, “It's just standard procedure, Steve. You're used to standard procedure. That's how the military goes, isn't it?”

Steve sighed, and nodded, quietly. 

Maggie gurgled, and burped, startlingly loudly for such a little girl. She started wriggling, wanting to be let down, and Steve shifted to set her in his lap. He'd never been terribly used to babies, before he'd gotten Maggie in his life, but he was fairly sure that she was developing faster than was normal for a child this young. Whether that was because of her being around superheroes all the time, or because of her father being a god. But her head didn't wobble like he was fairly sure was usual for children only a few months old, she just sort of bounced in his lap, cheerfully, chewing on her fingers. She was sort of fascinating, really, such a tiny life. 

“We just want to make sure that everything is taken care of, Steve. After all, wouldn't you want to know that, no matter what, you were able to see Maggie, forever?” Pepper asked, softly.

He looked up, startled. “...Loki wouldn't keep Maggie from me.”

“Not if you were together, no, but should you break up, heaven forbid, then you would have no legal standing. After all, you are not her father.”

“I _am_ her father.” He said, firmly, holding Maggie closer. 

“Yes, but _legally_...”

“Pepper.” Steve interrupted her. “I think it's awfully nice of you to be wanting to help out with this, and everything, but my world is not your world, and Loki's world is not our world, either, and... look, things are different. After all, if nothing else, the whole court of Asgard would probably come to smite me if my marriage with Loki didn't last. But it _will_ , Pepper. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to sign an escape hatch clause.”

“Steve, I’m not trying to be cruel.” Pepper said, firmly. 

“I know, Pepper, you're trying to be a good friend, and an even better runner of a company.” He smiled at her, and stood, holding Maggie against his chest. She gurgled, happily, and he smiled softly. “And for that, I wanna say thank you. But I’m not going to sign any 'pre-nup'.”

She sighed, softly, and nodded.

“Keep it around, though – Tony _could_ actually fall in love.” He grinned. “And Thor and Jane have been spending a lot of time together, lately, that could be going somewhere.”

Pepper laughed.

  
  


\---

  
  


Jan blinked as she entered the living room, startled by the sheer array of books and magazines and computer print outs spread on pretty much every available surface. Loki was sitting in the midst of the chaos, dressed more sloppily and looking more disheveled than she'd even thought possible for the normally impeccable god. He was wearing only a pair of sweatpants that Jan was pretty sure Steve wore for work outs, cinched tight to fight, and his hair was tangled in a high, loose ponytail, the kind Pepper usually shoved hers up into when she was focusing very hard on something.

He was arguing with Dummy, which she thought was sort of odd, for a number of reasons. Firstly, Dummy was usually in the lab with the rest of Tony's, well, lab robots. And secondly, Dummy was incapable of  _speech_ , so she imagined that this had to be a very one-sided argument.

“Loki?” Jan ventured.

He stopped abruptly, mid complicated point, and lifted his head to consider Jan for a moment. “Ah. Janet Dyndottir. Come, I need a woman's opinion.”

“Um. Okay.”

She'd done weirder things in her life than provide a woman's opinion on something to a Norse god of mischief. Sitting down in the only open spot she could find on the couch beside him, she grinned, and flickered her wings.

“Oh.” Loki shifted some of the books and papers.

“Thank you.” She giggled, and grew back to her normal size. It wasn't _her_ fault that Loki had covered the couch so well she'd had to shrink just to find a place to sit. She liked using her powers to her advantage. Relaxing into the couch, Jan arched a brow. “Now, what did you need a woman's opinion on, anyway?”

“I am to be married in two months time.”

“Hey, I remembered to RVSP!” Jan protested. “I wouldn't miss the wedding of the year for nothing, I know how important a social event like this is!”

“Yes, of course,” he nodded. “But that is not what I need your opinion on.”

“Oh. Right. So?”

Loki considered her for a long moment, long enough that she was starting to think he was regretting asking  _her_ for an opinion, until he abruptly said, “What should I be married as?”

“Um.” Jan said, quite eloquently, if you asked her. “I don't get it.”

Shuffling through the papers for a moment, Loki finally slapped two photos down, side by side. One was of a groom dressed for his wedding in a very sharp looking black tuxedo, and the other, a blushing bride in a long flowing white gown and veil. “I have the ability to be either man or woman,” Loki said, waving at the photos. “So do I marry Captain Rogers as a man or as a woman?”

“Um.” This seemed to be something she was going to be saying a lot today. “I don't know if that's a very _normal_ issue when planning weddings...”

“I am aware of it not being normal,” the god rolled his eyes. “That's not the point. The point is, _which_ do I marry Steve as?”

“Well, um. What's the argument for marrying him as a man?” Jan asked.

“I _am_ a man, for one.” Loki pointed out, only a little peevishly. “As well, Steve fell in love with a man, and asked a man to marry him. It has the added advantage of making out union look even _more_ taboo to the people of Midgard, and I intend to prove to them that the man most deserving of ruling them, their god, their warrior king, cares not for their petty sensibilities.”

“Right, so, snubbing your nose at the man, not a bad reason.” She admitted.

“Indeed.” Loki agreed.

“So... why do it as a girl, then?”

He gestured at the many photos around them. “Women's wedding attire is far more attractive!”

Janet van Dyne may not have been the best person to ask for advice, on this particular question. Because instead of telling him that of  _course_ he should be getting married as a man, what kind of question was that, anyway, she said, “Oh, that  _is_ a really good question. I didn't even think of that.”

“ _He_ thinks I should get married as a man,” Loki waved his hand at Dummy, who made a sort of whistling sound and dipped his robotic arm, which was really all that Dummy _was_ , anyway. “Despite my point that I am _ravishing_ in white.”

Jan pursed her lips, considering that, then suggested, “Well, show me an example of what you might wear as a man.”

Loki's eyes scanned over the mess of papers, then shook his head, and stood. Making sure that Jan was, in fact, watching to see what he did, he snapped his fingers. Now, instead of wearing Steve's grubby sweatpants with his hair up in a rough ponytail, he wore a sleek tuxedo, with a long black opera coat and light little braids woven through his sleek black hair, to hold it back. 

“Oooh.” Jan breathed, eyes wide.

“You approve?” Loki arched a brow, and turned in a circle, his coat sort of flaring out behind him. 

“Yeah! Why don't you just dress like this all the time?” She asked, eagerly.

“ _This_ is an illusion,” he shrugged, and the suit and neatly done hair seemed to sort of melt off of him, leaving Loki in his sweats again. “So convenient, but temporary.”

“Oh.” Jan pouted slightly.

Loki rolled his eyes, and pointed at her. Jan blinked at him for a moment, then looked down at herself, and let out a shout of joy. Her own jeans and t-shirt – which had been quite stylish, actually, thank you very much – had been turned into a sleek black dress that sort of made her curves look absolutely to die for. “Oh! I  _like_ these illusions!” She squealed.

“Yes, I find that most people _do_ like my little illusions,” he agreed, smirking.

Quite pleased, Jan wiggled, then suggested, “All right, show me the sort of thing you might wear if you got married as a woman.”

He hesitated. “...can you narrow it down, any? There are many possible dresses.”

Jan looked around, considering all the papers. “Oh. Right, good point. Well, you want to go with an Earth dress, right?”

“They are more attractive.” He agreed.

“So try...” Jan leaned forward to sort through the papers and books, then thrust a magazine towards him. “Something like that.”

Loki arched a brow, then he started to change, curves suddenly where there had been only angular lean lines before, and now the prince of Asgard that stood before her wore a princess cut ivory coloured dress with a fluffy, many pouffed ball gown style skirt. Loki looked an absolute dream in the dress, really, though she didn't look entirely happy. “This dress is so dull,” she pouted.

“But it's so _pretty_!” Jan protested.

“That it may be,” Loki shrugged. “But there is not a note of shimmer or shine on it, and I am a prince of Asgard. Surely I deserve _some_ shine on my dress?”

Jan giggled, delighted with that answer, and darted for the pile of photos to find one that had some shine.

It was hours later that Tony stopped dead in the doorway of the living room, blinking in confusion. Jan was wearing some ridiculously poufy pink dress – that a laughing Loki was telling her was very fetching for a fairy, she should be delighted – and Loki herself was parading about in an elaborately tailored gown that had the most detailed Swavorski crystal pattern embroidered all over the bodice that Tony had ever seen. Dummy was dipping and bobbing and weaving and beeping cheerfully, as though singing, with a flowered veil set cheekily on top of his grasping controls. Papers were strewn about the floor like scattered confetti, books laying forgotten as they danced in the carnage of their reading.

“What _exactly_ is going on here?” He blinked.

All three paused in place, then they all sort of started talking at once. 

“ \- trying to decide if Loki should get married as a man or as a woman - “

“ \- Midgardian women's clothing is far more interesting, you see - “

“ \- mee – mee – mee – meeeeeep - “

Tony held up his hands, waiting until there was a moment of silence, then said, as though it was the most logical answer in the world, “Why not just get married as a man, but wear a dress?”

There was silence for a long moment, then Loki declared, loudly, “This pleases me.”

“Awesome.” Tony nodded, then looked around the chaos of the room. “Now who's gonna clean this pigsty up?”

“I require Janet's services in finding the perfect dress.” Loki said, cheerfully, and snagged the short woman's arm, tugging her along after her as she all but fled the room. Loki didn't run away from her battles, oh no, never, but she was terribly good at making sure her battles were elsewhere. “And time is growing short. You know how it is!”

“What she said!” Jan called, as Loki tugged her away.

The armchair in the corner fell over, and Tony turned to face his robot, attempting – none too subtly – to sneak away.

“Oh no you don't. Dummy, clean this mess up.”

He tried to protest, beeping plaintively.

“Clean up the mess, and get back to the lab before I turn you into a garden planter.” Tony ordered.

“Mee-meeeeeep.”

“And stop complaining!”

  
  


\---

  
  


Logan dropped into the seat beside Steve, and offered the other man a beer, silently.

“Thanks,” Steve mumured, brushing his fingers down the neck of the bottle. Gathering up the condensation on his fingers. “So. What brings you out here?”

“Been doin' some thinkin'.” Logan shrugged. “Figure we're a lot alike, you 'n I.”

Steve sighed softly. “More than you know, Logan.”

After all, he  _knew_ Logan. Had found it sort of startling, when all the X-Men had shown up back when Loki was still pregnant with Maggie and it had turned out that some of them were possible parents of her, and one of his own teammates had been among them. Logan – James Logan was the name he remembered him by – hadn't changed. Not a whisker was different from how his once compatriot had looked. But when he'd tried to talk to him, eager to another unchanged relic of an earlier time, a metaphorical dose of cold water had been dumped on his head when he had discovered that Logan had no idea who he was. Apparently, that man named Scott Summers had explained later, Logan had amnesia. His mind had been wiped years ago. Well, Steve could be understanding, he could, but he also didn't want to lose out on the other friend he had left alive. So he quietly tried to make friends with Logan, again, so he would have someone again. And it had worked, mostly – after all, though his friend made less jokes than he had before, and smiled less, he was still his friend Logan, and it was a comfort for Steve to finally talk to someone who understood what he meant when he said things. Logan didn't remember events, or places, or things, or people – but he remembered slang, and references, and jokes. And that, at least, was comforting.

“So anyway, I figure... were I the one getting' married, I might wanna talk to someone 'bout it.”

Steve glanced at him. “You thinking I’d get cold feet?”

“No... you don't seem the cold feet sort of man,” Logan shook his head, and leaned back, taking a long pull of his beer. “No, you seem more like the kind of guy that sort of throws himself headlong into things and doesn't seem to realize what he's gotten into until after.”

“Oi.” Steve flushed, feeling kind of insulted by that. 

“I ain't sayin' it's a bad thing, Steve.” Logan rolled his eyes, and smirked slightly. “You just sorta act, then think later. I’ve seen you fight, it's the whole reason yer a good leader. You throw yourself into battle to save yer teammates, and sorta forget to think about what's going to happen to you until after it's already happened to you.”

“I was told once that I was made into Captain America because of that exact trait.” He murmured.

“Somehow, I ain't surprised.” Logan smirked, and finished his beer, then set the bottle aside, and bent to tug another bottle out of the cardboard box he'd hauled along with him.

“...why do you drink so much?” Steve asked, warily. “You don't actually _get_ drunk.”

“Neither do you, white bread.” He snickered. 

“I'm fairly sure that's for different reasons,” Steve laughed softly. “After all, in my case it's because of the Super Soldier Serum, and I’m fairly sure that, in you case, it's a factor in your mutation.”

“Yep, near as I can figure.” Logan shrugged, and cracked the cap off of his beer, flinging it across the garden, snickering when it pegged off of one of the branches on the tree, then bounced off and pinged off of the bird bath, which was just starting to thaw. “Dang, I got a better shot than Hawkeye.”

“Except that you achieved nothing,” Steve smirked.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” The other nudged him with his elbow, and said, “So, mister throw yourself into idiot situations... talk. I’m here.”

“You never struck me as the 'talk about our feelings' kind of man, Logan.”

“I ain't. But I’m here, you're here, we got a whole case of beer that no one else knows don't affect us, and if you wanna talk, I’m here to listen.” Logan smirked at him, taking another pull of his amber coloured beer, calmly. “So. C'mon, Cap... yer gettin' married soon. You all right with that?”

“I'm looking forward to it, actually,” Steve said, softly.

“Is it cause yer a virgin?” He asked, and just smirked when Steve looked sharply at him. “Yeah, yer Avengers can't keep a secret to save their lives. Clint told pretty much all of us, he thought it was hilarious. Anyway, _is_ it cause yer a virgin? Cause you know there are about a million men and women out there that would be more'n happy to help Captain America lose his virginity.”

“No, it's _not_ because of... that.” He grumbled, taking a swig of his beer. 

“Then what is it, Cap?”

“It's because I _love_ Loki, Logan. I’m marrying Loki because I love him. And I know that's not... I know that's not what people expect from Captain America, they probably think that I should be an All American stereotypically straight man, but...”

“Naw... Stark showed us a bunch of them old news reels. You had about the gayest singin' dancin' routine I’d ever seen.”

“Things were _different_ back then, Logan...”

“They weren't _that_ different.” He snickered, and dug in the front pocket of his shirt, tugging out a cigar. “You mind if I smoke?”

“I've never seen you _ask_ before.” Steve blinked at him.

He crinkled his nose slightly, and bit down on the end of the cigar, digging in his pocket for a lighter as well. He lit up, after a moment, and grunted, “Look, I’m tryin' to turn over a new leaf.”

“...you're trying to turn over a new leaf?” Steve repeated, blinking at him. “Who are you, and what have you done with Ja – with Logan?”

Logan snickered. “All right, all right... look, apparently my smoking in the mansion is irritating, or somethin'. Don't really care. Anyway, Pepper got pissed with me smoking, and talked to Stark, and... you know that damn robot, the one that's mostly just an arm, carries around a fire extinguisher?”

“Dummy?” Steve blinked at him.

“That's the one.” He nodded, chewing on his cigar. “Yeah, well... it's on standin' orders to blast me with the fire extinguisher if it sees me smokin'.”

Steve laughed, surprised but ridiculously pleased by the ridiculousness of that. 

“Yeah, well... that's Pepper for you, I guess.” Logan scowled.

“Sorry, friend.” He smirked, and leaned back in the bench, taking a long pull of the beer, which slid cool and smooth down his throat, and he wondered, in that moment, what this would feel like if he was actually able to get drunk. He recalled a little, like a distant imagining, that once this sort of thing had made him all dizzy and whirly-headed, but it had been decades since he'd experienced anything like that. “Okay, yeah, you're right. I tend to jump into things without thinking, I tend to act without considering the consequences... and yeah, maybe this whole wedding thing is something like that. I may have jumped into it a little early, and yes, I suppose it's partially because of the pregnancy and... and being worried that Maggie could have been anyone's kid... but I love him, Logan. Man, woman, god, human... I don't care. I love him.”

“Okay, I was wrong, too many feelings,” he snickered, but continued on, anyway, “Look. Yer gonna get a lot of flack from people for this. People are gonna complain. But I wantcha to know that I gotcher back. Don't care who you end up with, or why, just... you know, wanna make sure the Cap is happy, a'right?”

Steve smiled at his friend, and murmured, “...thanks, Logan.”

“Right.” He dipped his head, then slapped his shoulder again. “Drink up, Cap, it's about time we try and get drunk. A man gettin' married deserves to get drunk.”

“Don't they usually call those 'bachelor parties'?” He smirked.

“Yeah, but it's the best man's job to do those things.” Logan snickered.

Steve shook his head, then a sort of alarmed expression crossed his face. “... _Tony_ is my best man.”

The other arched a brow, then snickered. “Good luck, Cap.”

  
  


\---

  
  


Steve didn't actually know where in the world they were going, just that Tony had burst into the gym right in the middle of his usual Friday night routine, yelled that he was needed and he was needed  _now_ and that he had better get out of those grubby sweats and into some actual clothes come on Steve you are needed  _now now now_ and now he was stumbling out of the back of Tony's limo, looking confused. Happy was standing beside the car, holding the door, and grinned at him. “Have a good night, Steve. Sir.”

“....thanks, Happy?” He said, finally, very confused.

Tony slid out of the car behind him, grinning like an idiot, and slid on his sunglasses. “Thanks, Happy, we'll give you a call when we need to be picked up, probably won't be til early... top the bar up for us, yeah? We'll probably need something more to drink, later.” 

“Where are we _going_?” Steve leaned back, trying to see the roof of the building they were standing in front of. They were under an overhang, so he couldn't actually see the sign on the top of the building, though he could tell, in the darkness, that it was glowing and flashing pink and green and yellow. Music was pounding inside the building, loud enough that he could probably understand lyrics to songs from out here – if he could understand the lyrics, anyway – and when the door opened to let a scruffy looking man stumble out, it revealed a dark room beyond, with bright flashing lights and stages with women dancing. “ _Oh_. Tony! _Tony_ , is this a _strip club_?”

“Yes, Steve, it's a strip club.” He smirked, and looped his arm with Steve's, taking advantage of the taller man's surprise to drag him into the place. “It's traditional!”

“What?” He called, over the music, which was already starting to give him a headache. 

“It's traditional.” Tony snickered, grinning up at him. “For your bachelor party. Last night of freedom. You're getting married on Sunday... so this is your last chance for debauchery.”

“Um.” He followed him, reluctantly. “You do know I’m getting married to a _man_ , right? So shouldn't Loki be here, too?”

“Pepper's taking care of that.” He waved the complaint off. 

“But we're both _men_ , no one should be treating Loki like he's the bride or something, he's not the - “ He flushed, deliberately trying to avert his eyes from one of the smaller stages around the edges of the room, where a woman without a top was swinging around a pole. “He's not the bride. So really, he should be here too. And I really don't think we should be _here_ , if we're going to be doing this, I think this is probably a bad idea. I don't believe in this sort of thing, isn't it awfully degrading?”

“It's _tradition_ , Steve, you can't screw with tradition.” He smirked, and shoved him towards the front of the room, where at the end of the stage, there was a group of people. This was typically called “pervert's row”, not that Steve knew this, but right now, it was all people he _knew_ , he realized. “And it ain't degrading, it's _empowering_. Or something.”

Thor stood up, grinning at Steve and Tony, and clapped his hand on Steve's shoulder. “Friend Steve!  _Brother_ Steve! Come, we are gathered to celebrate your union with merriment, feasting, and mead!”

“Thanks.” He smiled awkwardly at Thor, then considered the table. Clint was leaning back in his chair as he spoke to a waitress, who wasn't wearing much more than the girls on the stage itself, and grabbed a few drinks off of her tray, finally, setting one in front of himself, Johnny, and Bruce. Logan was leaning back in his own chair, leaning back on two legs, and seemed to be engrossed in the midst of a oddly complicated conversation with Peter, who was grinning brightly, flushed. Poor kid had already had too much to drink. “Um. Look, guys, it was awfully nice of you to all gather here for me and everything, but...”

“But nothing,” Tony grinned, and pushed him towards a chair. “Sit down, Cap. It's time for a drink. You'll feel a lot better after a drink.”

“Alcohol doesn't really affect me,” he admitted, sort of stunned, slowly sitting down.

“I arranged for ale.” Thor grinned at him, delighted, and slid a glass towards him. “Try this.”

Steve slowly took it, and sniffed at the glass, then whistled. “ _That_ could take paint off a wall. What is this, Thor?”

The other looked delighted by the reaction. “Dwarven ale. I had it brought for this occasion from Svartalfheim. Try it! It is considered a delicacy by many in Asgard.”

He considered it, suspiciously, but sipped at the glass. 

“It is good, is it not?” Thor grinned.

He coughed slightly, and shook his head, whistling. “That is  _powerful_ , Thor.”

“Drink up, my friend!” He beamed, and slid another of the glasses towards Tony, grinning. “This is an occasion for which celebration is deserved!”

“Sure,” Steve murmured, and sipped at the ale. “But alcohol doesn't affect me.”

Two hours later, Steve was leaning heavily on Tony's shoulder, laughing so hard that tears were gathering at the corners of his eyes, then happily grabbed the dollar bill that Clint was offering to him with a grin, and stood. Grabbing the edge of the table, he laughed, breathlessly, then reached forward to slip the dollar bill into the waist of the g-string that the stripper on the stage was helpfully holding out for him. He grinned up at the girl, who was all red hair and bright green eyes and warm freckles on every inch of her skin – and he really could see  _almost_ every inch of her skin – and said, cheerfully, “You're very pretty.”

She giggled, and patted his cheek. “And you're very drunk, sweetheart.”

Steve grinned back at her. “Yeah. Loki's got green eyes too. Didja know that?”

The girl just laughed, and pulled back from him, grabbing a hold of the pole that was set at the end of the stage and performing some kind of elaborate dance move that had her upside down and holding on only with her legs, and Steve thumped back into his seat, laughing. “She's very good at that.”

Tony snickered, and clapped Steve's shoulder. “You are  _wasted_ .”

“Can't be,” He grinned back. “Alcohol doesn't affect me. S'cause I’m Captain America.”

“Sure,” Bruce agreed. “Only you're drinking ale that Thor brought from – what was the name of that world again, Thor?”

“Svartalfheim!” Thor laughed, grinning. 

“You've been drinking ale from Svartalfheim.” Bruce nodded. “Thank you, Thor. I imagine that ale made for Dwarves, and considered a delicacy by the gods on Asgard, is likely far more _potent_ than alcohol that is found here on Earth. You'll probably get over it faster than the rest of us, but you are _drunk_ , Steve.”

“Well... it's my bachelor party.” He grinned, and drained the last of his most recent glass. “It's _traditional_.”

Tony crowed with laughter, and clapped his shoulder. “That's the attitude!”

“ _All right, ladies and gentlemen_!” The announcer called over the speaker system, as the pretty ginger's song ended, and she sashayed off the stage. “ _Aww, who are we kidding, hello_ gentlemen! _So we've got a bachelor party here tonight, for your hero and mine, Steve Rogers, Captain America! Let's hear it for Steve_!” 

There was a smattering of awkward clapping from around the room, men that didn't really want their enjoyment of the dancers interrupted by this kind of announcement. The Avengers, however, cheered loudly, and clapped Steve on the shoulder, laughing.

“ _So we got a special surprise for our hero... here's a lovely lady just for you, Captain America!”_

The music changed, not just the usual bump-and-grind loud electronic music whose lyrics Steve couldn't actually manage to work out, but a tune that he actually  _recognized_ . Perking up, he grinned as the sound of bugles that started playing, and slapped Tony's shoulder, eagerly. “That's the Andrew Sisters!”

“ _That_ ain't the Andrew Sisters, buddy.” Tony grinned, and nodded at the stage.

He looked up, and Steve's smile faded – not because he was upset, but more because he was so incredibly stunned that he couldn't seem to manage any expression except his mouth open in surprise. 

A pale, dark haired beauty marched onto the stage, hands on her hips, which swung with each step, flicking the skirt she wore out. Hair done up in a neat set of victory curls and chignon, she wore a blue cap with a star on the side, a blue halter top, and a red and white striped skirt that barely covered her rear, a froth of white crinoline moving underneath as she moved closer to them, her delicate feet in silver dance shoes. It was as though his memories had come to life, and Steve felt like he was staring up at one of the old USO girls he used to dance with. It had been a long time since he'd danced on stage, but it was like his memories had just walked onto the stage. 

She met his eyes, cheekily, then blew him a kiss with ruby painted lips, and began to dance, moving like she had been born to dance with that song, and even though there was only the one of her and not all three of the Andrews Sisters, Steve was  _pretty_ sure that he liked this version a lot more.

Of course, apparently not  _everyone_ in the place agreed with him, because about halfway through what he was sure had to be a carefully choreographed dance, someone howled, “Take it  _off_ !”

Steve half rose, about to tell them to respect the lady, but then Clint added to the fire, howling, “Tits or get the fuck off!”

“ _Clint_!” He yelped, and however drunk he was, Clint at least had the good sense to wince.

“Sit down, Steve, it's a strip club,” Logan tugged on his arm.

He frowned, but slowly settled down in his chair again.

The dancer laughed, though, and as the bugle started up again in the song, she swung her hips, and reached her arms up for a long moment, then like magic, the ties for the back of her halter came undone, and the front of her dress fluttered down, exposing a halter bikini style top that was most distinctly printed like the American flag. As the men in the club cheered, pleased, she detached the back of her dress, and dropped the whole thing to the stage, leaving her in very little, but very patriotic. 

“Lookit that, Steve, that's all for you!” Clint cheered, grinning. “Shame you're getting married in a few days, huh?”

He whistled, lowly, leaning back in his chair as the woman moved closer, looking up and up and  _up_ , and trying to meet her eyes, instead of staring at her body. It wouldn't be terribly respectful to stare at her body. He swallowed, and said, sheepishly, “Hi.”

“Heya, dollface.” She smirked, and crouched in front of him, arching a single perfectly groomed brow. “What d'ya say you come on up here?”

“Up there?” His eyes widened.

One of the other girls was walking up the stage, a fake smile plastered on her face as she did, carrying a fold up metal chair. She unfolded it, and thumped it down on the end of the stage behind them, then headed back the way she had come, leaving just a metal fold up chair there, and Steve was starting to realize what  _exactly_ that chair was meant for. 

“C'mon, sugar.” She tugged on his hands, grinning deviously. “Up on the stage.”

“Go on, brother Steve!” Thor said, with a thundering voice. “This is the traditions of Midgard, they are quite enjoyable!”

“ _Come on, Steve_!” The announcer said over the music. 

“Come on, Steve! Come on, Steve!” A few of the men started chanting, and a few more joined, then finally Steve stood, reluctantly, as all of his friends slapped their hands down on the table, joining the stupid little chant. He let the woman tug him up onto the edge of the stage, and flushed as the men cheered, loudly. 

“Come on, dollface, it isn't scary.” She purred, and pushed him lightly. A little push like that wasn't going to actually knock him down, but he sort of thought that it would be impolite if he _didn't_ sit back onto the metal chair, which Steve did, at once. The Andrew Sisters song was fading, now, ending, and some other song started. He'd never heard it before, he had no idea what song this was supposed to be, but it was similar to the one he had recognized, and it was bright and cheerful in much the same way. The woman grinned at him, pleased, and started to move with this song, too. 

Steve's mouth went dry, and he swallowed several times. 

She laughed, and started to dance. Steve had never had a lap dance before, so he wasn't sure if this was how one typically went, but she seemed to be everywhere at once, her touch electric when she trailed her fingers down his shoulder, across his collarbone, when her legs brushed his. He bit his lip, watching as she dipped and danced around his chair and more than once moved as though she was about to sit in his lap, then tugged away, teasingly. 

“You're very good at this,” Steve said, shocked at how strangled his voice sounded.

“Thank you,” she purred, then abruptly straddled his thighs, sliding her fingers through his hair as she licked her red painted lips, like a promise. “So... dollface... how about I blow your _mind_?”

He swallowed. “...I'm fairly sure you'd be able to do that.”

She chuckled, and trailed those wickedly red lips along his jaw, and nipped at his earlobe. “The things I am going to  _do_ to you...”

Steve sort of whimpered. 

The dancer shimmied back on his lap, then abruptly slid to her knees at his feet, and slid her palms up the front of his thighs, then between his knees, and pushed his thighs apart, grinning up at him with an absolutely devious look. There was a world of promise in her brilliant green eyes. 

As the woman was sliding her palms smoothly up his thighs, though, leaning closer, Bruce stood up, and said, “Woah, maybe you should back off...”

She arched a brow as she looked at the scientist, as though she couldn't quite believe he was saying that.

Steve cleared his throat, and said, “Actually, um... I’m okay with this...”

“Steve.” Tony stood, his sunglasses up on his forehead, looking sort of flustered. And drunk. Well, at least that wasn't much of a change from the others – everyone there was drunk. “I hate to say this, cause this _was_ my idea, but the idea of the damn puppy dog eyes you're going to give everyone _forever_ is hurting my soul already, so... your getting married in two days. This... is a _bad_ idea.”

He flushed. “No really, it's fine...”

Thor slammed his hands down on the edge of the stage, making glasses jump. “Steve! You would dishonour my brother with this action!”

“No, _really_ ,” Steve protested, flushed. “It's okay! It's Loki!”

Clint blinked. “No way.”

“No really, it's Loki,” he protested, motioning at the woman still crouched at his knees. “See?”

“...yer drunker than I thought.” Logan arched a brow.

Peter, who was sort of slumped against Logan's shoulder at the moment, and seemed a little too drunk to actually understand what was going on, just held up his glass of Dwarven ale, and called, “Whooooo, come on, Steve!”

“Not the appropriate response right now, Peter,” Bruce sighed.

“I mean, Steve, that woman is _gorgeous_ , but she is _not_ Loki.” Johnny shook his head, then sort of wavered slightly, and thumped back down in his chair. “Ow. That was awful. No more alcohol... ugh.”

“She _is_ Loki!” Steve protested.

The dancer rolled her eyes, then shifted slightly where she knelt, and patted Steve's thigh. “It's all right, dollface, I believe you.”

“Look, lady,” Tony tried.

“Loki,” she corrected, shifting so that she was leaning on Steve's legs, curled against him, which gave her spine a very nice curve, and she sort of looked like a goddess, there, dressed in red-white-and-blue. “The name is Loki.”

“No really,” Johnny laughed, and pointed at her. “I've seen girl Loki, you are not...”

“I'm the _father_ of _lies_.” She rolled her eyes, and patted Steve's knee. “I was not about to let some two bit _whore_ get her hands on my future husband simply because Tony Stark had the brilliant idea of dragging you out for the Midgardian tradition of debauchery and libation. So I am here. I’m actually rather _pleased_ that Steve recognizes me,” she smirked, making her fingers “walk” up his thigh, teasingly. “Even in this form.”

Tony blinked. “...you're serious.”

“Yes,” she said, with a smirk, “Quite.”

The billionaire turned to face Thor, blinking at him. “Is that  _seriously_ your brother?”

Thor furrowed his brows, considering that for a long moment, then abruptly slumped back in his chair, and took a swig of his ale. “That is my brother.”

Loki laughed. 

“ _Uh... guys?”_ The announcer interrupted the awkward little moment. “ _...is someone gonna start dancing again_?”

  
  


\---

  
  


Loki sat down at the kitchen table, all elegance and sleek movements, like a cat stalking its prey. He pressed his fingertips together, leaning forward, and said, with a purr to his voice, “And how are you feeling this morning?”

“Fuck you,” Tony grunted, hunching his shoulders as he sipped at his coffee, sunglasses firmly in place.

“You are aware of the fact that this is entirely a situation of your own making,” Loki said, with a smirk, looking entirely unsympathetic. “You are the one that asked Thor to bring the damn ale, you were the one that arranged the party, and you were the one that tried to introduce my Steve to depravity.”

Tony pushed his sunglasses down with one finger, peering at the other with red eyes. “One would think you would  _enjoy_ your Steve being introduced to depravity.”

He leaned forward, and purred, “ _I_ intend to be the one to introduce him, Stark.”

“Mm, well. That's not a bad point.” He pursed his lips, and returned back to sipping at his coffee. “But it's tradition.”

“Yes, you and your Midgardian traditions.” Loki rolled his eyes. “You tend to ignore those traditions, Stark, unless they suit you. I have noticed this, in my time with the Avengers. However, I can understand the motivation in this case... you were playing the part of the best man to a tee. You have been fulfilling your duties.”

“Exactly.” Tony grunted, relaxing back in his seat.

He considered the man for a long moment, then said, finally, “Steve and I will be married tomorrow.”

“So I hear,” he agreed.

“This may be a poor time to broach this subject, but I intend to borrow the Captain for a piece of time. Following the wedding.”

“Honeymoon?” Tony smirked.

“That was the idea,” Loki said, calmly, tapping his fingers on the tabletop. “And we will be out of reach of your communication attempts. I simply will not allow Steve to leave our first time together as a wedded couple to run about saving your world for you. We shall be far too busy.”

He groaned, and lowered his coffee. “...Loki, I’m not sure I need to know about your plans for your sex life with Steve.”

Loki arched a brow. “You're not sure?”

“I'm not sure,” Tony agreed, smirking slightly. “I _might_ need to know your plans. I’m just not sure.”

“I am not certain I want to share,” the god said, with a smirk of his own. “In fact, I am fairly certain that I am determined to keep all details about Steve – and our sexual relationship – entirely to myself. Call me possessive. But I intend to keep the man as mine, and mine alone. I would suggest you find your own muscle-bound blond superhero. Oh wait. You already have.”

“Johnny and I aren't together,” Tony rolled his eyes, behind his sunglasses.

“Did I ever utter his name?”

Tony opened his mouth, then closed it again a moment later. “Touche.”

“Frankly, who you choose to copulate with is none of my concern, Stark. So long, of course, as it is not Steve. I _do_ find how similar they look a little alarming, however. As I am certain that Steve had no forgotten children, I _am_ forced to wonder... would your government have performed any experiments on trying to _recreate_ their Captain America in his absence?”

Tony blinked at him over the top of his sunglasses, then leaned back, and said, “JARVIS?”

“I heard, sir.”

He frowned for a moment, then waved a finger at the ceiling. “First off, how many times have I told you about eavesdropping? Second, get into SHIELD databases, and find out if they ever tried to clone Steve.”

“SHIELD has increased security since our last foray into their systems, sir.” JARVIS said, choosing to ignore the comment about eavesdropping.

“Well, punch through it using Coulson's link, or something.” He said, dismissively.

“At once, sir.”

“You think your Johnny is the government's attempt to recreate my Steve?” Loki arched a brow.

“Look, I ain't gonna put it beyond SHIELD, that's all,” Tony frowned, and stood, abruptly. “I need to go check on JARVIS, make sure he ain't deliberately trying to get us killed by SHIELD. He's got a touch of the HAL in him, some days.”

“You'll be at the wedding tomorrow, of course?” Loki said, calmly.

“I am not gonna _forget_.”

“You often forget everything when you become absorbed in a project, Stark. Forgive me if I don't believe a word you say,” Loki said, dryly, and tapped his toes on the floor for a moment. “I'll ensure Thor brings you tomorrow.”

“I won't forget,” he said, firmly.

  
  


\---

  
  


Tony forgot.

Fortunately, Thor didn't, and a shaved, showered, tuxedo'd Tony stood beside Clint, shifting his weight from side to side and muttering that he  _probably_ would've remembered to show up.

The morning was perfect.

As Loki had predicted, there were soft pink and white blossoms drifting gently down from the cheerry trees that were scattered across the yard and the gardens, and they, combined with the sun glinting off of the glass walls of the greenhouse, created the perfect backdrop. Storm had come through on her promise of fine weather, and it was sunny and just warm enough to not need a sweater. There were rows upon rows of white fold up chairs set up, filled with a healthy assortment of heroes, villains, SHIELD agents, and other equally essentially important guests. Bruce stood on the little platform set up in front of the greenhouse, fiddling almost nervously with one of Tony's Stark Tablets, where he had his speech written. Tony and Clint stood on his left, dressed in black tuxedos with emerald green bowties, and on his right stood Loki's attendants. He'd asked Jan first, and she did look absolutely adorable in a sleek little green dress. He'd asked Pepper next, but she had frowned and informed him that, by asking another woman, he was unconsciously reinforcing stereotypical gender roles, and if he wasn't going to be married as a woman, maybe he should  _not_ try and convince everyone that he was a woman? Not that she wasn't flattered by the request, she had added, quickly, but maybe he should actually ask his friends, rather than the most socially acceptable woman? This was why, beside Jan, Dummy dipped and bobbed his controller arm, a bowtie stuck jauntily to his controller.

But some things  _were_ tradition, and the light, almost mindless music changed to the Pomp and Circumstance March. Sure, it was more usually used for graduations, but they were hardly about to use the Bridal March when there was no bride.

As one, the audience rose, turning to watch the entrance of the aisle.

Loki stepped onto the red carpet that lead to the front, holding onto his brother's arm and looking absolutely radiant. He wore a dress, as he'd chosen, bright white with a carefully structured bodice and a tight fall down his hips to a sleek, smooth skirt. There were none of those sparkles he'd earlier declared he wanted, but the emeralds that Steve had gotten for him in Niflheim were set into the bodice, a cascade of emeralds that swept down from his heart and down his right hip. It was a woman's dress, to be sure, but it had been perfectly tailored to the god's body, and it looked absolutely perfect on him. Thor was dressed in his finest armour, polished until it almost glowed, and they walked, slowly, up the aisle, arm in arm. Arriving at the front, Thor pressed a firm kiss to his brother's forehead, then released him to go stand beside Dummy, hands looped behind his back.

Loki positioned himself to the right of Bruce, then turned to look back the way he'd come, green eyes lighting up.

Steve stepped out from behind the crowd, and his eyes lit up, a broad smile spreading across his face when he spotted Loki. He was in a white tuxedo with an emerald bowtie, to match Loki, and he had his arm looped with Nick Fury's. The normally stoic director of SHIELD was smirking slightly as he led Steve, and even he had donned a green tie to go with his all-black suit.

Arriving at the front, Steve stood to Bruce's left as Fury fell into line beside Tony and Clint.

Everyone was in place.

The music faded, and Bruce cleared his throat, before speaking up, reading a little too carefully off of his notes, eyes down more often than not. “Friends, family, gods, humans, hero, villain. Today there is no distinction between us. Today, we are all family, because today we are joined to witness the union of Steve Rogers and Loki Laufeyson.”

Thor sniffled, a little too loudly and a little too obviously, and Bruce hesitated.

Loki rolled his eyes, “Ignore my brother.”

Bruce smiled, sheepishly, and juggled the tablet for a moment, trying to find a comfortable position for it, then said, “This decision is not taken lightly. This union binds hero and villain, Midgard and Asgard. These two men are here to become one. If anyone here knows any reason why these two should not be wed, then speak now, or forever hold your peace.”

He waited for a moment, as though expecting someone to actually argue, then grinned, clearly relieved, and said, “Then – then we will now witness the vows of one man and god, and one man and icon, as they become one.”

And then the roof of the greenhouse exploded. 

Guests gasped and cried out in shock, ducking under any cover they could find as glass showered down on them. Out in the audience, Frigga, where she held Maggie, curled closer to Odin, who barked out magic words that no one there – save perhaps Loki – understood, and magic flared over the assembly, shielding them. After all, though they were the people of Midgard, Odin had become accustomed to protecting those under him. Sif and the Warriors Three leapt up from where they had been sitting, and through the audience, those with powers – and many without, to be honest – bolted up, and whole none of them had really brought  _weapons_ with them to the wedding, that didn't really seem like it was going to stop anyone.

“Would everyone _stop_ destroying my greenhouse?!” Tony howled. “That damn thing costs a fortune to be fixed!”

Vine-like mechanical tentacles poured out of the greenhouse, and the walls smashed open as what seemed like hundreds of HYDRA agents spilled out of the building. A HYDRA-bot, larger than any of the earlier ones they'd fought before, rose slowly out of the space, revealing a man in what was definitely a Nazi uniform standing on a platform built on the front. Something was entirely  _wrong_ with him, though, his face and head deep red, hairless. He spread his black gloved hands out, and said, in a clipped tone, “I apologize, Steven Rogers, I believe I am late for the party. You must have forgotten to invite me.”

“ _Schmidtt_!” Steve growled.

“That's the _Red Skull_!” Tony yelped, gaping up at the man. “Holy crap, he's been dead since World War Two.”

“The Third Reich never dies,” Skull said, confidently. “Until _I_ destroy it and the Fourth Reich rises.”

“I don't know what you _think_ you're doing here, but - “ Steve started.

“I don't think anything, Captain Rogers. I know. I know that Captain America will fall, and his alleged godling of a mate will fall with him. We were bringing order to this world, Captain. This abhorrent farce with this _man_ only shows what I have been telling you for nearly a century. You are weak, Captain Rogers, and this only shows so very clearly that your whole nation is merely waiting for us to cleanse it!”

“You son of a - !” Clint started.

“I care not for your childish complaints.” Skull waved a hand. “ _Fire_!”

The HYDRA-bot opened fire on them, small missiles raining down on them like hail. They pinged harmlessly off of the shield that Odin had thrown up, but they struck the platform, the ground. Before they struck the wedding party itself, however, Bruce let out a furious bellow that seemed much larger than his frame, and his suit jacket sort of erupted. The seams burst, and suddenly as he ran forward, it was Hulk that threw up his arms, blocking them from harm as he whipped the tablet straight at Red Skull's head. The man ducked, naturally, but it smashed against the wall behind his head, tablet shards raining over the plants.

“Well, that was awesome for the technology,” Tony grumbled.

Jan, wings flickering at a million miles a moment, zipped around Red Skull's head, firing her sparks at him, furiously.

The man snarled, then swung his arm, lightning fast, snagging her out of the air. “Hey!” She yowled, struggling against his hand, then sucked in a sharp breath when he squeezed her tightly, trying to crush her wings.

“This is what your armies have come to?” Red Skull taunted. “Fairies and homosexuals? This is why America must fall. _Kill them all_!”

With machine like efficiency, the HYDRA soldiers burst out through the walls of the greenhouse, and began charging the audience with a terrifying intensity. It was a single minded, frenzied action, throwing wave after waves of them in an effort to overwhelm. It wasn't going to be a battle based on skill. It was going to be a battle based on numbers.

Fortunately, in a battle of numbers, most superheroes can be counted as five people. Some as many as ten.

“I need my shield!” Steve called, then abruptly spun and howled, “ _Magneto_! I need my shield!”

The mutant, who had been sitting among the other guests, beside Xavier in his wheelchair, abruptly lifted his hands, a look of intense concentration on his face. Beside him, Xavier pressed two fingers to his temple, and men deflected from around them, looking confused.

Ben Grimm howled something about clobberin' time and broke a chair across the faces of three HYDRA agents like a WWF wrestler, and nearby, Matt Murdock spun his cane over his head like he was trying to take flight, and cracked it off of a series of heads. Someone really ought to have realized that Wade Wilson was  _not_ going to come to a wedding naked – weaponless, that is – and he was running a commentary mostly with himself as he shot HYDRA agent after HYDRA agent in the face. He was making occasional breaks in his chatter to tell Peter something, but Peter, naturally, had pulled on his mask and was slinging them up with webbing. Not really that no one had noticed that Peter was even there, much less wearing a mask. There was just too much going on. Logan had his claws flying, and at one point slammed a man directly in the path of Clint, who took great pleasure in cracking him in the face with a rock. It wasn't a bow, but it would do. Reed Richards wrapped himself right around one of the men, then reluctantly shifted himself, slightly, and he didn't even wince when Doctor Doom fried the man Reed had pinned. Maybe Loki was right – weddings  _do_ bring people together.

Steve lifted his hands, and caught his shield with a solid  _thump_ when it slammed into his palms.

He swung his shield up, then growled, “Hold off the HYDRA men. I’m going after Red Skull.”

Loki caught his arm. “Not without me, you are not.”

Steve opened his mouth to argue the point, then hesitated when he met the eyes of his still-not-quite husband, and nodded, quickly. “Fine, we'll go together. But I can't lose you.”

Loki nodded, and caught Steve's jaw, kissing him firmly before magic crackled around hisfingers, and he started flinging energy bolts at the HYDRA-bot. “I do not intend to lose you either, Steve. The left flank!”

He nodded, and flung his shield.

Happy finally burst through the chaos, a metal briefcase over his head, using it as a shield against falling glass and missile fragments. Tony had learned a lesson about this a long time ago, so it wasn't handcuffed to his wrist or anything, but he'd still brought it to the wedding. Call it Tony's quirk, that he didn't like this particular piece of his tech being very far away from him. Happy seemed more than willing to shove the case into the other's hands, even though that meant giving up his shield, and gladly ducked under a tree branch instead. Tony slammed the case to the ground, and a moment later, Iron Man was skimming through the air, firing at the HYDRA-bot.

The problem, though, was Jan.

By now, maybe a dozen shots could have been fired off at Red Skull. He could have been knocked off the platform, if nothing else, but he still held a struggling Jan in his hand, pinning her wings and making it very difficult for her to just shift and escape. Besides that, no one else could shoot him, at least not properly, for fear of hurting her. 

This meant that they simply had to go _around_ him.

Steve was using his shield to slam heavily against the many-tentacled-legs of the bot, which was starting to make them crumple heavily under the weight of the machine itself, that structural integrity gone. Most of the crowd was consumed with battling the HYDRA men, including a massive Hank Pym that was towering over the bot itself as he continued gathering up the HYDRA men, like a kid playing pick up sticks. 

“Stark!” Loki called, motioning to where Steve was flinging his shield, his own back to Steve's as he blasted at the HYDRA men that were trying to attack the wedding platform, flinging shards of green magic at them. He dipped and twisted as he moved, the white dress swirling around his legs. “There!”

Iron Man swung under one of the swinging tentacles of the massive machine, and inside the helmet, Tony's eyes flicked a dozen different directions as JARVIS measured a dozen different aspects. “There, sir,” JARVIS ordered. “Right there.”

“Power the omni beam, JARVIS.”

“At once, sir,” JARVIS said, and the arc reactor in his chest began to glow brighter, then the omni beam burst out towards the HYDRA-bot, striking between two of the tentacles, and slamming into the underbelly of the massive machine. The beam punched straight through the metal and into the engine of the bot.

The whole machine sort of squealed, as though the engine was catching, struggling to keep going, even though it had a hole punched through it, now. 

The crowd itself sort of hesitated, heroes and villains, HYDRA and attacked, all looked up at the machine, which was starting to sway where it stood, now. Red Skull bolted forward, one hand setting on the railing that surrounded the platform where he was standing, and swung himself up and over it, slamming down to his knees on the ground. Behind him, the HYDRA-bot started to spark and smoke, and finally slumped forward like a teetering tree, crashing through the glass walls as it careened towards the ground.

No one was terribly surprised when Wade Wilson, from where he stood in the crowd, called, “Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimbeeeeeeeer!”

Those on the platform had to bolt out of the way, because the bot itself slammed down through the platform, demolishing it completely. Of course, now that Red Skull was actually on their level, it was easier to actually hit _him_ and not Jan, and it was like a crush of people, now, rushing the former Nazi.

In recorded history of superheroes, no one could remember something quite like this happening before. There were villains and heroes working side by side, members from sometimes competing teams shoulder to shoulder, in the largest crush of superpowered and superdeviced people sweeping towards Red Skull, decimating the HYDRA troops as they went. 

SHIELD stepped in, though, at one point, because otherwise, they were going to kill the man – and while maybe he needed to be killed, this was not the how or the when for this to be happening. As SHIELD agents hauled the HYDRA agent away, everyone sort of seemed at a loss. Like they weren't sure what to do, now that the battle itself was over, and the attackers were being led away, and the HYDRA-bot sort of crackled and fizzed where it lay, where the platform that Steve and Loki were supposed to be getting married had stood a few moments before. Hulk kicked its face, stubbornly, and grumbled, “Stupid smash.”

Tony landed beside Steve, helmet flicking back to expose his face. “Well then, that was... interesting.”

Johnny snickered, and stepped up to him, nudging his side with his elbow. “Well, what's a wedding without a little carnage?”

Steve sighed, heavily, and ran his hand through his hair. His white tuxedo had gotten scorched, slightly, by all the mess, and his blond hair sort of stuck up at funny angles. “We didn't even _get_ married, yet,” he grumbled, displeased by this particular turn of events, though his eyes did light up when Odin and Frigga approached, the goddess queen carrying Maggie. She offered the young one to Loki, and Steve turned closer to his still-only-fiance to brush his fingers over Maggie's soft hair.

The little girl yawned, and curled into Loki's chest, sleepily. She had apparently slept through everything.

Loki looked around the gathering, their entire wedding audience, attendants, and everyone else gathered around them in a crowd. So they weren't in neat orderly rows, and this wasn't quite the traditional Midgardian wedding. Some of them had tugged on masks or bits of costumes, some of their expensive outfits had been destroyed, and Dummy had a HYDRA mask sitting on top of his control grips, cheekily. Holding his daughter, quietly, he looked up at Hulk, and said, firmly, “Well, what are you waiting for? We're all here. Marry us.”

Tony blinked at him. “Uh... you know he's the _Hulk_ now, right, not Bruce? I’m not sure he's considered an official authorized marriage type guy.”

“Do I look like I care?” He arched a brow, and nudged Steve's shoulder. “Let us get married.”

Steve grinned at him, eyes lit up, then nodded at Hulk, eagerly.

The Hulk blinked at them for a long moment, wearing the tattered shreds of Bruce's tuxedo, and said, cheerfully, “Loki marry Steve?”

“I do,” Loki said, smirking slightly deviously.

“Steve marry Loki?” He asked, grinning broadly. 

“I do,” Steve nodded.

“Rings!” Hulk clapped his massive hands, looking around for the rings, wherever they had managed to be hidden. 

Dummy whistled, cheerfully, and rolled forward, bobbing his arm as he dropped the ring box into Hulk's hand. It looked absolutely dwarfed in the massive green hand, and Hulk fumbled to open it, brows furrowed in intense concentration as he did. He started to look more and more irritated – the Hulk had never been known for having a long-suffering temper – and Tony interrupted, quickly, stepping forward. “Hey, let me, big guy.”

The Hulk grunted, and thrust the ring box towards Tony. Tony tried to open the ring box for a moment, then hesitated. While the Iron Man suit usually was quite dexterous, apparently it didn't allow him to open ring boxes. He pursed his lips for a moment, then handed the box to Johnny, beside him.

Johnny snickered, and opened the box, offering it out to Steve and Loki. 

Loki snagged the first, shifting Maggie in his arms so that he could take Steve's left hand, and slid the ring smoothly onto Captain America's left hand. He smiled at him, pleased. Steve flushed slightly, and took the other – a slightly thinner one – from the box, and took the other man's hand, sliding it onto his left finger. 

“There!” Hulk declared, pleased. “You man and man! Aw-full-y married! _Kiss_!”

“ _That_ , that is an order I can get behind taking,” Steve grinned, and slid his arm around his husband's waist, tugging him closer, and kissed him firmly. 

Loki hummed, pleased, and kissed him back, one hand curling against the other's jaw. 

The crowd around them cheered, and Wade shot off a few celebratory rounds into the air. 

Maggie sighed, softly, in Loki's arms, and slept on.

  
  


\---

  
  


The rest of the planned wedding went mostly the way it was supposed to have gone, with a cocktail hour and an overly-elaborate dinner that Pepper had helped with the planning of. There was a first dance, there was cake smushed into faces, and there were so many speeches, that a slightly drunk Tony finally interrupted and demanded that they stop _talking_ already, Steve needed to get his sex on.

Steve, naturally, squeaked and flushed. 

Loki, on the other hand, just laughed, and caught Steve's hand, tugging him up. He kissed his husband firmly in front of the whole audience, laughing when they started cheering again, and tugged him out of the ball room.

“God, I hope Loki doesn't regret marrying the virgin,” Clint snickered, taking a swig of his champagne.

“He _is_ a god.” Pepper reminded him. “I imagine he's going to enjoy teaching him.”

He laughed, pleased, and nudged her. “You _do_ have a sense of humour, Pep!”

Natasha, where she sat on Pepper's other side, shook her head, and laughed softly. “How do you think she managed to work with Tony for so many years?”

Clint blinked. “Good point.”

  
  


\---

  
  


Loki was tugging Steve along the hall, then laughed when Steve caught his arm, stilling him, and scooped him up. Grinning down at his husband, Steve said, “I know you're not my bride, but I figured you wouldn't mind if I carried you over the threshold.”

“I don't.” He agreed. “When we get our own home, I’ll carry you over the threshold there.”

Steve laughed, and headed to his own room. 

“Oh, are we moving into your quarters?” Loki smirked slightly. It hadn't really been discussed – after all, they all lived in the same house. It wasn't like they had to worry about bringing stuff halfway across the city or something. 

“At least for now,” he said, with a soft, flushed smile, and opened the door, carrying Loki into the room.

“Oh,” Loki breathed.

“Do you like it?” Steve asked, flushed, closing the door carefully behind them. He'd spent a lot of time the night before on this room, trying to make it perfect for today, for this night. He'd scattered candles everywhere, but because he didn't really want to spend all the time getting it ready once they actually got up here, he'd asked Tony if there was an alternate solution, so he'd gotten a bunch of flameless electronic candles, and they were already flickering, lighting the room with a golden, shifting light. Thor had said, after all, that candles were how most everything was lit on Asgard. He'd spread white blankets on the bed, and on top of that, scattered generous handfuls of pink and white cherry blossum petals across the bed and the floor, and the whole room smelled faintly of cherries, now. 

“It's perfect, Steve.” Loki cupped his jaw, and kissed him firmly, then murmured, “Now I am going to teach you what you have been missing out on for seventy years.”

He laughed, breathlessly, and lay his new husband out on the bed. Kissing him again, he murmured, “Champagne, first?”

“Now you're covering your nerves with alcohol?” 

“No,” Steve lied, flushed a little. “It's just that I made sure JARVIS had the champagne on ice, and it sort of seems like it would be a shame to not drink it.”

“Of course,” Loki laughed softly. “Pour away.”

Steve grinned, and headed to retrieve the champagne, popping the cork with an intense, serious expression. He poured two glasses of the bubbling, amber liquid, then turned to face Loki, smiling. And hesitated, surprised.

Loki smirked. “Problem?”

He swallowed thickly. “No, no... not a problem at all.”

The god had somehow shed the dress. Steve had heard they were ridiculously difficult to get in and out of, and he had heard it rustling every time that Loki moved around, but no, the dress was gone. He suspected magic was involved. It was probably magic. Either way, though, Loki's dress was gone, and his husband was sitting on the bed, waiting for him, in a pair of black and green garters and stockings, tapping his white, high heeled shoes lightly on the floor. Arching a brow, Steve's gorgeous, bare chested husband asked, sweetly, “Yes, dollface?”

He swallowed, mouth suddenly dry. “I'm not sure exactly how to say this, but... you are _gorgeous_.”

“Mmm, I’d be disappointed if you didn't think I was.” He smirked, and patted the bed beside him. “Come, sit with me.”

“Gladly,” he said, eagerly, and darted forward to sit beside him, offering a glass to Loki. The god smiled at his expression, demurely, and sipped at the bubbly liquid for a moment. 

“I presume you like it, then?” He asked.

“Loki, you are... ravishing.” Steve said, eagerly.

“Thank you.” Loki lifted his glass, and tapped his to Steve's, lightly, a soft ting of glass on glass. “To our new life together.”

He smiled back at him, reaching up to gently tuck a dark lock behind Loki's ear, softly. “May it be long, happy, and healthy. We have a family, now, Loki. You, I, and Maggie.”

“Yes,” he agreed, and purred, “And may we create many _more_ children, in the coming years.”

Steve flushed, ducking his head slightly, and smiled at him. 

“Trust me, you'll enjoy making children.” He laughed, and shifted up onto his knees, pressing close to Steve's chest as he slid his arms slowly around the blond's neck, kissing him slowly, teasingly. Steve groaned, and slid his arms around Loki's waist, pulling him closer, shifting the god so that he was in his lap, Loki's knees on Steve's thighs as he kissed him, hopefully. As Steve pulled him tighter, he managed to forget all about his glass of champagne, and spilled it all over the floor. 

“Letting all that champagne going to waste,” Loki teased, smirking at him.

Steve flushed. “Sorry.”

“Why would I care, dollface?” He laughed softly, and kissed him again, gently. “I love you, not your champagne.”

The blond smiled, cheeks flushed, his shoulders slowly straightening out a little. They were both a lot alike, when it came down to it, both the small and somewhat abandoned sons that had been forced to focus on their other skills to ensure that they'd be taken seriously. But it made Steve's heart sing, and his chest to feel warm and content when he heard words like that. He mat have been adored as a hero, but to be loved as _Steve_ , not _Captain America_ , that made him feel strong and confident and _secure_. 

It was probably that security that made him act, reaching out to set the now-empty champagne flute on the bedside table, and run his palms slowly up the back of Loki's thighs, catching his callused palms slightly in the other's smooth stockings. Sliding his palms up further still, he cupped Loki's ass, holding him close.

“Mmm... bold.” Loki purred, and trailed his fingers down Steve's shoulders. 

The blond sucked in a sharp breath, surprised at the feeling of his clothing actually _melting_ off of his shoulders, down his torso, until his tuxedo fell with a soft _thump_ on the floor, and left him completely bare. “Magic... feels so very _different_.”

“I love magic,” he smirked, nipping gently at his lips, pleased. “I'll teach you to love it, too.”

“I think I already do,” Steve murmured, then kissed his husband again, firmly.

Loki groaned, pressing against him. Tangling the fingers of his free hand into Steve's blond hair, he kissed him desperately, like Steve's lips were necessary for breathing, and slowly pushed him down towards the bed. Steve landed back on the blankets, bouncing slightly, a white cherry blossom petal caught in his hair. Panting, he looked up at him, cheeks flushed, lips red and slick and swollen. Loki trailed his fingertips down his his collarbone, then down Steve's sternum, worshiping that beautiful, smooth and muscled chest. Humming softly, he wiggled his little champagne flute at Steve, teasingly, then slowly poured some it onto Steve's chest.

“Loki!” He laughed, flushed. 

He laughed softly, and bent to lap at Steve's smooth skin, licking up the champagne, tinged with the taste of salty skin and the leftovers of battle smoke. Steve bucked under him, gasping softly, and groaned, “ _Loki...”_

The god poured the last of the champagne over his husband's chest, and licked up the bubbly liquid, gently. Dragging the flat of his tongue across his pectoral, he explored the planes of his muscles, humming softly against his skin as he did, and finally scrapped his front teeth lightly against Steve's left nipple. 

Steve sucked in a sharp breath, hips bucking. 

“Oooh, we like that, do we?” He hummed, softly, and scraped his teeth against the nipple again. 

He groaned, arching under Loki, eyelids flickering, swallowing hard. 

“That...” Loki murmured, voice breathy as he trailed his fingers down the other's sternum, “May be one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.”

Steve laughed, breathlessly, and promised, “Maybe I can come up with something more beautiful.”

“Oh, I imagine you will,” he purred, and nipped at his nipple, actually pinching it in his teeth. He tugged a little, and wasn't surprised in the slightest that Steve bucked up against him again, eyes rolling back into his head. He hummed, spreading his hands smoothly against the other's muscled stomach, and purred, “Do you want more, Steve?”

“ _Yes_...” he gasped, writhing.

“Mmm... good.” Loki soothed the nipple with his tongue for a moment, liking the way that Steve's hips bucked slightly with every stroke, then kissed his way slowly down his stomach, nipping at his navel for a moment, then kissed his way slower.

Steve's breath was speeding up with every lower and lower kiss, and Loki was pleased to see the Captain's fingers curling in the blankets, twisting at them as he did. Steve was falling apart under his ministrations, and he was very pleased to see that. Loki _wanted_ to see him fall apart, he wanted to see the perfectly controlled, perfectly poised Captain America give himself completely up to him. It was pretty much to that aim that he bent further, and dragged the flat of his tongue up the length of Steve's penis.

His beautiful virgin sucked in a sharp breath, and bucked his hips.

“Mmm,” he hummed, pleased, and repeated the gesture, again. And again, and again, until he finally just slid his lips over the other's penis, instead, and sucked, dipping his head as he did. Steve writhed and whimpered and made delicious little needy sounds, and when Loki turned his eyes upwards to gauge the other's reaction, Steve was biting his lower lip, eyes mostly closed, and just the barest hint of blue under his dark lashes told him that Steve was intently watching him work. So he put on a show – deliberately sucking harder, dipping his head, reaching up to rest his balls in his hand, hot and heavy. 

Steve let out a keening sort of sound, one that told Loki a lot – so Loki slid the other's penis right out of his mouth, licking his lips, messily. 

“Loki...” he groaned, head falling back to the blankets.

He smirked, and slowly crawled up onto the bed, straddling Steve's hips. While his beautiful husband had been distracted by fellatio – and Loki was _very_ good at fellatio, after all, he wasn't called the Silver-Tongued god _just_ because of his ability to lie – he had been stretching himself, out of sight of Steve. There had definitely been magic involved, but he personally thought that made the experience somewhat more enjoyable. Leaning closer to him, Loki gently kissed his husband, softly, and murmured, “Ready?”

“F-for?” He panted, breathlessly.

“Everything.” Loki murmured, and reached back to carefully arrange Steve, and slowly pressed down. His head fell back onto his shoulders as he sank down onto his husband's cock, slowly, stretched wonderfully around a _very_ impressive penis. Oh yes, if he was going to be married, it was important to Loki to be married to someone that was _worth_ being married to. This cock alone made Steve worth being married to.

“Oh!” Steve gasped, bucking slightly under him, which made Loki groan, deeply, and roll his hips.

For a long few moments, they stilled, both gasping for air, but for different reasons. Steve was trying not to come right _that_ moment, and Loki was trying to adjust his body to the intrusion. Finally, though, Loki started rolling his hips again, and Steve groaned, and caught his hips, helping Loki rise and fall, slowly, almost teasingly slow. Loki groaned, and ended up resting his palms on Steve's chest, shivering as he rode him. 

“Loki, I’m – I’m nearly...” Steve whispered, finally, sweat beading on his upper lip, which he compulsively licked up, quickly. 

“I know,” he laughed, squeezing around him. “Let go, dollface. Let's see if you can top your beautiful face from before.”

He groaned, head falling back in the pillows.

Loki smirked, and used his thighs to lift himself up and down, fucking himself on Steve's cock, pleasurable tingles running up and down his spine before he rolled his hips and cataloged every tiny change in his husband's expression as Steve came, hot in his ass, then forgot about cataloging as he came himself, coming on his lover's perfectly smooth chest. He slumped forward, finally, head resting on the other's collarbone, quietly, just feeling Steve breath under him.

Steve groaned, slowly coming back to his senses, quietly stroking Loki's thighs. “That was – that was...”

“Yes, dollface?” Loki purred, tracing a fingertip along Steve's collarbone.

“ _Amazing_.” He finally said, at last.

The god laughed, happy and eager, more than willing to encourage these joyous reactions in the beautiful blond man he'd married. “Was that worth saving yourself for?”

“Yeah, oh _yeah_ ,” Steve said, firmly. “Though I also sort of wish I’d met you seventy years ago.”

He laughed again, then murmured, “But if you had met me seventy years ago, beautiful Steve, would you have married me?”

“Yes,” he said, without a moment's hesitation. But then he paused, and continued, as though he felt like he needed to explain his point. “Yes, I would have married you, because I did not change. I’ve always felt this way, as though... well, as though maybe I was only going with girls because I was supposed to. Because that was expected of me, and if I hadn't, people mighta started asking questions. I think I only liked Peggy cause she wasn't like any woman I’d ever met before – she was forceful. Really,” he said, honestly, “She acted like a man. So I would've married you in a heartbeat, even back then, but... I imagine we probably would have had to get married with you as a woman. Someone probably would have protested, otherwise, or... or kicked me out of the military, or something. There was a lot of hate for gay men, back then, I suppose. Well, things are a little better, at least. But if we had... if we _had_ gotten married seventy years ago, I mean... would you have waited for me? Would you have waited for them to find and unfreeze me?”

“If we had been married seventy years ago, I never would have allowed you to be frozen,” Loki declared, cupping Steve's jaw and kissing him sweetly. “Now. This is our wedding night, Steve, and this is entirely too much talking for this night. We can talk tomorrow. Tonight, I wish to introduce you to a world of pleasure.”

Steve flushed, but kissed him again, gently. “I thought you already had.”

“Ah, you know how to flatter a man!” Loki laughed, pleased that Captain America seemed as capable of a silver tongue as he was, and delicately lifted himself off of Steve. He hissed slightly in loss, then nudged his husband's hip, gently. “Come now, I wish to show you what I mean. On your hands and knees.”

Though he looked a little wary, Steve did as ordered. “Are you going to – well, do me, now?”

“No.” Loki peppered light kisses down Steve's spine. “Not tonight. By the day that occurs, you will be so in need of my cock that you will beg for it. I simply intend to show you _why_ you will want to beg for it.”

Steve glanced over his shoulder at him, looking a little confused. “Why?”

“I have my reasons,” Loki nipped at Steve's pert ass, grinning when that made the blond buck slightly. “And I do what I want.”

“Is that so?” Steve laughed.

“Yes,” Loki said confidently, kissing his way down the other's spine, delicately spreading his cheeks with his fingers so that he could kiss the other's pink anus. “It is.”

“Loki!” He gasped, surprised.

“Oh come now, don't get all shy on me.” Loki smirked. “You just fucked my ass, this is a humble god's way of returning the favour.”

As he started lapping slowly at him with his tongue, he had to laugh when a breathless Steve, fighting against wobbly elbows to keep himself upright on hands and knees, panted, “I love you, Loki, but you're not humble.”

Loki had been right when he had thought to himself, the first time that he'd lain eyes on Steve some years ago, now, dressed in that skintight uniform of red white and blue, that Steve would fall apart beautifully with the right stimulus. Steve writhed and gasped and moaned beautifully, and when Loki thrust his tongue into the soldier's ass, he let out a jubilant cry of delight. Steve was absolutely beautiful when he was in the throes of pleasure. Well, that wasn't entirely true – Steve was _always_ a beautiful man, but when he shivered and trembled and whimpered like this, he felt more and more that he'd married the right man. And Loki _did_ like being married.

Finally, he drew back a little, and gently, teasingly slowly, squirmed a single finger into Steve's ass.

His super soldier let out a shout of surprise, and his elbows, which had been trembling hard to begin with, finally gave out on him. Steve dropped his head to the blankets, clutching at them as though trying to hold on, flushed ass up. 

“Do you know how beautiful you look right now? Loki purred, crooking his finger. Steve bucked again. Very nice. “All spread out for me?”

Panting, Steve informed him, “Only for you.”

“Mm. Yes.” He agreed, and began gently finger-fucking the other man's ass, humming every time that Steve arched, hips pressing back into him, as though seeking more. Steve's breath was starting to catch on nearly every other breath now, and his thighs were trembling. So Loki kissed his sweaty lower back, and gently reached around him to curl his fingers around Steve's penis, hot and heavy in his hand, and stroked.

Two, maybe halfway through the third stroke, Steve howled into the blankets, spine arching up as he came again, spilling over the blankets.

“Nngh,” Steve said, and slumped onto the bed, landing, naturally, directly in the wet spot.

Loki, obligingly, banished the wetness itself, then delicately wiped his fingers on the blankets and curled up with Steve. He wasn't even surprised with the broader man gathered him up in his arms and pressed a gentle kiss to Loki's forehead. “I take it you seem my point, now?”

“Starting to,” he agreed. “But I imagine that there will be more examples in the future?”

“Naturally,” Loki purred, then murmured, “There's only one shame.”

“...and that is?”

“That you are not a woman.” Loki kissed him softly. “Were you a woman, I would introduce you to the glory that is multiple orgasms.”

Steve flushed. “Is that such a good thing to miss out on?”

“As far as I am concerned, every living man and woman should experience such a thing.” Loki said, without hesitation. “This, in fact, may be a large part of the reason I enjoy using both forms.”

He laughed softly. “Well, that's all well and good for you, but I don't shape-shift.”

Loki arched a single brow, his angular lines softening into gentle curves, long lean legs becoming long legs that drew the eyes along them, and Loki pressed her breasts against Steve's arm and purred, “Dollface, you are married to the lord of illusion and magic. Would you _like_ to be a woman for a chance?”

Steve hesitated, considering his wife – at the moment, anyway, a moment before she'd been his husband – and swallowed, hard. 

Then nodded.

“Done,” Loki purred.

  
  


\---

  
  


“Well?” Clint dropped into the seat to Tony's left, setting a stack of toaster waffles with too much syrup in front of him. “How'd it go?”

Tony, who had continued partying long after Steve and Loki had toddled off to their bedroom, in support of the newlyweds, adjusted his sunglasses, but seemed otherwise unphased as he flicked through the files on his laptop, then declared, “There we go.”

Johnny, who sat on Tony's right, leaned forward eagerly. Behind the three men, Natasha peered over their shoulders, then declared, “You are all _pigs_.”

“What are they - “ Pepper leaned on the other woman's shoulder for a moment, then said, in a low sort of dangerous voice, “Is that surveillance footage of Steve's room? On his _wedding night_?!”

“You bet it is,” Tony grinned, waving at the screen, where the Captain was carrying his husband into the room. “JARVIS recorded it.”

“That is an invasion of _privacy_!” She said, furiously.

“Pepper, darling,” Tony twisted to look up at her, grinning. “There is no such thing as 'privacy' in Stark mansion. When you move in, you basically accept that JARVIS is constantly watching.”

“He's watching for _security_ , not for voyeurism!”

“I dunno,” Clint frowned. “He's got a bit of the Hal in him.”

“That's what _I_ said!” Tony grinned.

Bruce padded over to the table, frowning slightly as he sipped at his mug of coffee. “What's going on?”

“Tony and the boys are watching Steve and Loki's wedding night.” Natasha motioned at the laptop. “And Tony says that he's allowed to because everyone here knows that JARVIS is always wayching.”

Bruce mulled over that for a moment. “That makes a certain sort of sense.”

Pepper threw up her hands. “Unbelievable!”

“Hey, I will have you know that this investigation is for full scientific - “ Tony blinked at the screen. “Disappearing clothes! I need disappearing clothes! This is what's standing in the way of getting laid more often!”

“And how many people, exactly, _have_ you slept with?” Johnny smirked at him.

“Not half as many as I could have if I had disappearing clothes!”

“I'm fairly sure that's magic, Tony,” Bruce said, sipping at his coffee as he sort of fell in line with the others, watching the screen. Even Pepper and Natasha, for all their protests, were watching. It was like a train wreck. You don't just look away.

“There's no such thing as magic,” Tony grumbled. “There has to be a scientific explanation.”

“Or he's just a god,” Clint said, idly, arguing mostly because he always did, and whistled when Steve's tuxedo melted off of him. “ _Damn_ , Cap.”

“What?” Steve asked, and they all jumped, startled by his voice.

Steve stood in the kitchen doorway, dressed in the blue-striped pyjama pants he usually wore when he went on coffee runs in the morning, blond hair sticking at haphazard angles, eyes still bright with sleep. Only the Captain looked a little different this morning, and he wasn't actually a “he” - today, when a shirtless Captain America stumbled into the kitchen, she was definitely a slightly rumpled looking, muscular, beautiful, curvy woman. She padded over to the coffee machine, and poured herself a mug, leaning on a counter as she sipped at it. As they all continued gaping at her, however, she finally flushed, and said, “What?”

“Not that we mind or nothing, Cap, but...” Clint arched a brow. “You're half naked.”

“I usually _am_ in the morning,” Steve rolled his eyes.

As they sort of tried to figure out a delicate way to say this, Logan stepped into the kitchen. Walking silently to the counter, he poured himself a mug of coffee, then sipped at it, and said, calmly, “Nice tits, Cap.”

Steve blinked at her former teammate, then looked down at herself – and yelped in shock. She threw her arms up in front of herself, trying to shield her chest from their sight. “Someone could have _said_ something!”

“We were trying to?” Johnny said cheerfully. 

“I wasn't.” Tony shook his head. “I was ogling. Steve's got a nice pair of knockers.”

Logan snickered.

Loki drifted into the kitchen in a silk bathrobe that barely hung onto her curves, and padded barefoot towards the counter where Logan and Steve stood, snagging the coffee mug from her wife's fingers, sipping at it. “Mm. Coffee.”

“Loki, I’m – I’m a _woman_ still!” Steve squeaked.

The god looked her up and down, and hummed. “So you are.” Her fingers drifted down Steve's jaw, which seemed to square under her touch, until a moment later, two men stood where two women had been a moment before. “Better?”

Steve slowly lowered his arms, and nodded. “Thank you.”

“Think nothing of it, dollface.” Loki kissed him firmly, then lifted his coffee mug at the others, cheerfully. “Morning, all. Where is my brother and Jan?”

“With your mother and Maggie,” Pepper answered, briskly, back to business now that there were no exposed breasts interrupting breakfast. “Frigga has been teaching them how to change diapers, I think. She seems to think Thor needs children now, too, and I think Jan just likes anything to do with Maggie.”

“She's a good girl,” he agreed. “I ought to go check on them.”

“I have some clean up to arrange, too.” Pepper crinkled her nose slightly. “The SHIELD clean up crews took the HYDRA-bot, but not the remains of the greenhouse.”

“I'll give you a hand,” Natasha said, immediately.

“Thank you, Natasha,” she smiled at the redhead.

“Walk you out?” Loki smirked, and offered each of the women an arm, cheekily. 

“If Steve doesn't mind...?” Pepper laughed.

“Hey, I know who he loves,” Steve said, pouring himself another mug of coffee. “Loki is free to escort anyone he likes to wherever he likes.”

“My husband, the gentleman.” Loki purred, and the women looped their arms with his, and he lead them out of the room.

Steve watched him go, with a soft smile, then turned back to realize that Tony, Johnny, Clint, Bruce and Logan were all staring at him. He swallowed, and said, “Yes?”

“So.” Tony grinned. “Finally popped your cherry, hm?”

Steve flushed. “Well, I - “

“Took you long enough.” Logan smirked. “Born 1917, right, finally got it done now? How's it feel?”

“Remarkably like yesterday, actually,” he said, flushed.

“Oh yeah? Come on, you got your first blow job last night, dude! That changes a man!” Clint argued.

Steve blinked at him. “How did you know that?”

“ _Busted_ ,” Johnny sang.

“Lucky guess?” He tried, grinning awkwardly. 

Narrowing his eyes, Steve considered them all for a long moment, then his eyes fell on the laptop. Instead of looking horrified, or in any way shocked, though, he actually sighed heavily, and said, “I wondered how long it would take you to find JARVIS' recording of last night.”

They blinked at him.

Logan pushed off the counter. “There's a _recording_ and I ain't seen it?”

“You knew...?” Bruce blinked.

“Loki wanted it to be a night to remember,” He shrugged. “And there's no such thing as privacy in Stark Mansion, anyway.”

“ _See_?” Tony waved at Steve.

He shrugged, and sipped at his coffee as he headed for the door. Pausing there, Steve looked back to face them, and said, with a slight smirk, “I don't mind, guys, really, I don't. All I ask... is try not to be _too_ jealous.”

He left the room, and there was silence for a moment before Logan grabbed a chair and hauled it over to join the others and Johnny leaned forward to turn the volume up.

“Now I _have_ to see.” Tony declared.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> In the strip club, the first song that Steve recognizes is [The Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pfCFU3Mqww) by the Andrew Sisters. The second one, that he didn't, is Christina Aguilera's "Candy Man".


End file.
